


settle down i'm in seattle now

by orphan_account



Category: Bandom, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Anxiety, Cutting, Depression, Self Harm, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, mental health
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-16
Updated: 2017-08-16
Packaged: 2018-12-16 07:01:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11823606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: this oneshot is prompted by the seattle theory/situation. i don't actually believe that this is what happened in seattle, however i just wanted to write this for mine and yours' entertainment ;)





	settle down i'm in seattle now

settle down i'm in seattle now

b: how is the party going?  
r: it's okay, are you alright?  
b: why wouldn't i be?  
r: spill  
r: brendon?  
r: answer me  
r: ok that's it i'm calling you

"brendon, what's going on?"  
"ryan, don't worry about me, it's your birthday now go and get wasted and fuck your girl, she's some hot shit you know"  
"she may be a hot damn woman but i'm not even having that good of a time, now tell me what's going on"  
"i... it doesn't matter"  
*phone hangs up*  
ryan went straight to call him again and would not give up. brendon really had him worried shit. when he finally answered, ryan could hear the short, rushed breaths coming from brendon's panicked body.   
"brendon tell me what the fuck is going on right now"  
"i-i just don't want to be here right now" he sobbed.  
"where don't you want to be brendon?" ryan asked with caution.  
"i don't want to... i don't want to live" he continued to sob "but it's ok ryan, i'll get through it ryan, don't worry about me, i didn't end up doing anything last time, did i? no, i'm still here."  
"okay stop you're scaring me, i can come back if you need me to, have you told spencer or jon you're feeling like this?"  
"no, they've all gone out to eat. i told them i wasn't hungry yet."  
"are you alone right now then?"  
"yes"  
"ok, take a deep breath and don't do anything fucking stupid. i'm coming to seattle, no arguments."  
ryan hung up before brendon could argue with him and explained to keltie that he had to go and help brendon because he was showing signs that he was going to commit suicide. keltie promised not to tell anybody in such great detail and when people ask where he went, to say there was a private emergency in seattle that he had to take care of.

three hours passed and he got off the plane with anxiety settling itself in the pit of his stomach, he hoped to god that brendon hadn't done anything stupid and that he was even alive. 

he got to the hotel and knocked on the door. he was greeted by zack with a confused look on his face.

"ryan what are you doing here? you're supposed to be in new york"

"where is brendon? it's really important i'll explain later, i just really need brendon."

"he's in the room next door, i think he's asleep, but here's the key"

zack handed over the key. ryan took it and practically ran into brendon's room. when he came in, he saw brendon sat on his bed crying quietly to himself. ryan wondered how long he had been there for and felt so guilty that his plane couldn't have landed any earlier, despite him not being able to control that.

"arms" ryan demanded.  
with a look of complete defeat, brendon turned his head to meet his eyes and slowly brought his arms out from his chest, revealing six fresh, red and puffy cuts. ryan gulped and gave brendon a desperate hug.

"do you know how glad i am you're still here and you're still breathing"

"but i'm not, i don't want to be here ryan, i want to just disappear forever. why the fuck am i still here. i should have just killed myself whilst i was waiting for you. well who's to say i can't die now, that's it fuck it" brendon got up and ran out of the door and ryan screamed "ZACK HELP NOW" whilst running after him.

zack burst out of the door and saw the back of ryan running and followed. he was much faster than ryan and managed to catch brendon just before he got to the stairs and grabbed him, holding him back from going any further.

"what the fuck is going on?"

"brendon was going to kill himself!" ryan shouted through tears.

"what the fuck right guys we're gonna have to go back into our room we can't have people coming out of their rooms and getting involved, brendon you're not going anywhere i'm keeping hold of you until we get into the room and lock the door."

meanwhile they were walking back, jon and spencer were in the room, so confused and worried. when they got into the room, zack laid brendon down onto one of the beds and held his wrists down so he couldn't get up.

"zack i can't breath like this, you're making me really anxious can you just let go of my wrists"

"spencer lock the door" zack commanded him and once he did so, he let go of brendon's wrists.

"what's going on?" jon asked and went over to ryan who had just come out of the toilet to try and compose himself. when he started to explain to jon and spencer the situation, he immediately lost himself again. jon and spencer were close to tears themselves.

"brendon, do you need help getting your breathing back to normal?" spencer asked him and he nodded silently, still laying down and facing the ceiling. "laying down, or sitting up?"  
"down" is all brendon could manage to get out.  
"okay, in for 6... out for 6"  
"i can't do it"  
"you can"  
"no i can't do it in time with you"  
"okay, when i press into your arm with my thumb, breath in and when i let go, let it out"  
his breathing slowed down and head cleared as time passed.

"brendon, why did you almost kill yourself?" jon asked.  
"because life is shit"  
"life is not shit, and killing yourself is not a choice."  
"well maybe life is shit if you're depressed, and maybe killing yourself is a choice if you're depressed"  
"life is what you make it, dude. killing yourself is a fucking stupid choice."  
"well how the fuck do i make life better, jon? anyone else? spence, zack, ryan? how the fuck do i make life better."  
"maybe you need to go and talk to a doctor, bren. i can take you tomorrow, after the show." zack suggested.  
"you know what, fine, anything to not feel this shit."  
"you didn't come to the restaurant with us, do you want to go out to eat? you might feel better." spencer said.  
"yeah, i'll come with you bren." ryan added.  
"o-okay" he said in a small voice.

they went out for a meal and brendon managed to perk up way more. ryan told him to treat himself and have some caffeine as he usually doesn't allow himself to because he gets over-happy. when a fan asked to take a picture with them, he even managed to put on a wide smile. neither of them even cared that fans would speculate once seeing the picture with ryan wearing the same clothes as he was at his party. they were both just glad to be in each other's company and that brendon was alive and okay.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm not planning on making this a series, this was going to be just a oneshot. however, if you want this story to develop and me continue with more chapters, leave a comment saying so. thank you xo


End file.
